In the Rough

In the last post I threatened to take my wonderful, accomplished, fantastic swing out on the course. And I did. At Put Nash. In the afternoon. Going out by about 4:00. I could have gone out by the 3:00 time when low rates first become available, but I went to the range first, where I hit 60 balls, assuring myself that the swing was, as I had suspected, amazing. My last swing, as I remember it (and my memory could be faulty), was a pitching wedge. Right at the flagstick. Stopped within eight feet. Should have been on the Golf Channel. Proof enough that I was ready to play.

On the grounds of Put Nash, I went to the putting and chipping green first, as all the experts tell you. The putter felt a little unsteady when I tried long putts. Hmmm. In my usual practice, I feel as though I can putt like Billy Casper. What gives? So I hit a few more long putts. All short. But at least those strokes reminded me to get my hands through the ball ahead of the clubhead. Some chipping and, my favorite, bump-and-runs, and I was all set. Ready for the first tee.

Remembering times like this, I invariably think of an article I once read about the novelist, Carl Hiassen. You might know him. Strip Tease (movie with Demi Moore), Skinny Dip, Basket Case, and others. All in set in  Florida, dealing with greedy land developers, corrupt politicians, and clueless cops. Very entertaining. Give him a try. I think I first got onto him after the 2000 presidential election travesty, when Florida became known, derisively, as Flori-DUH!

In the article, which was about Carl's golf game, the author quoted the caddie as saying, something like,  "Yeah, he can play, but he can't score." I've remembered that ever since I first read it, and that caddie seems to stride down the course beside me, every time I go out.

Check out Carl's book on golf, The Downhill Lie: A Hacker's Return to a Ruinous Sport. One online review begins, "Arnold Palmer once said, 'Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated. It is at the same time rewarding and maddening.'" As we all know, golf is a constant struggle. Which begs the question: "Why do we do it?"

Lewis Black has one answer. Robin Williams has another. Golf makes good material for comedy.

Whenever I go out on the course, the gallery in my imagination includes Lewis and Robin and Carl and his caddie and Arnie. After many shots, there's a lot of shaking heads.

My gallery with me, I stepped up to the first tee. Here's how it went. "Best-ball" scoring. Or call it "Fantasy Golf". That is, if your ball is behind a tree, move it. If you hit into a hazard, hit another. Terrible chip or pitch? Do it again. If your putter hits grass first and the ball goes only halfway to the hole, bring the ball back and make another stroke. It's a lot like tennis, with two serves. The numbers below show strokes to the green plus putts. Each hole sports a local historical or geographical allusion. On three, Ryan joined me, a college student and very athletic, with a beautiful swing. When he gets serious about his game, he'll be really good.

1. Giddy Up par 5 -- 6 and 2
2. Israel's Climb par 4 -- 2 and 1
3. Down & Away par 4 -- 2 and 3
4. Sybil's Ride  par 4 -- 3 and 2
5. Pond Stop  par 3 -- 1 and 2
6. Arnold's Hideout  par 4 -- 3 and 2
7. Star par 3 -- 2 and 2
8. Agor's Farm par 4 -- 6 and 2
9. Tight Quarters par 4 -- we skipped this to get ahead of a slow group
10. Nature's Beauty par 4 -- 2 and 1
11. Tompkin's Corner par 4 -- 2 and 2
12. Bullet Hole par 3 -- 3 and 3
13. Barn Shot par 5 -- 4 and 2

And then sunset sent us to the parking lot.

This is a typical outing for me. It's so bad, I can't really keep score. Yet, there are some good shots. And a lot of anxiety. Especially in the short game. In my backyard or on the practice green, I feel competent, but as I address a chip or pitch or putt on the course, doubt dominates and bad things happen.

To get back to Carl Hiassen, my game is in the deep rough now, but All the practice and drills and lessons from Max Galloway at Mohansic and Brian Lamberti at Golfworx are definitely improving the swing. It's good enough to take out on the course now, and I need to get out and play as often as possible.